I don’t usually use my journal entries to vent (often it’s a little update on what’s going on in my life, a feature, or just some randomness) but it’s an unholy hour of the day and my brains are a bit scrambled at the moment so just bare with me while I release a bit of whatever it is I’ve got pent up at the moment. You are under no obligation to read this journal

-=Insomnia=-
I’ve had problems with insomnia for eons (not really but I don’t actually remember how long ^-^) and so far my current insomnia issues have been mild compared to my other “episodes” (the first few weeks in July of this year I was pulling several all nighters in a row and a few times I went without sleep for over 24hrs >_> ). I’ve been going to sleep between 3am (on good days) and 11am and waking up usually around 2:30pm. This time my insomnia is being fueled by depression and my anxiety disorder (as opposed to insomnia caused by my inability to stop my brain from going into hyperdrive and going on crazy tangents) which like my insomnia have been a problem for several years now. One of the things I really hate about being depressed is that the things that set me off sometimes seem rather ridiculous especially when compared with some of the things others have to face, I constantly ask myself “what the heck have I got to be depressed about”, but that’s the nature depression (well some cases anyway, a lot of people have plenty of reasons to be depressed). BLERG!!!!! Ok I’m done with that phase of my rant on to part II. If you’ve made it thus far without being made sick by all the Holden Caulfieldesque angst you get a gold star

-=NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month for those of you who are sane and aren’t participating in this madness ^_^)=-
This may sound odd but I really think NaNo has been really good for me, it’s one of the few things keeping me from going completely batty right now. For whoever is reading this to further comprehend what I mean I’ll have to give you a bit more info about NaNo and me. NaNo, in a nutshell, is an attempt to write a 50,000 word novel in the space of a month (November! ^-^ ), now on to moi. Because of my depression I go through long periods where I lack motivation to do much of anything and this severely affects my writing. I’ve started so many stories only to leave them for extremely long periods of time or completely abandon them and writing for 8 consecutive days, even though I’ve only been writing an average of about 230 words a day so far, has been great. This doesn’t mean I’m writing a masterpiece that will one day be considered my magnum opus, far from it, I find my title a bit cheesy, my characters still on the 2-D side (so many of them seem to have the letters “G” and/or “R” as the first letter in their given names or surnames >_<*), and I’m annoyed and greatly hindered by my lack of knowledge about France in the year 1914 (pre-WWI of course, I’m no WWI scholar but I know a few things) but I really find this whole writing daily thing a giant leap in the right direction for me.


Well now that I’ve let some of it out I’m going to try and focus on more positive things, ‘cause doom and gloom sucks. If you read my mini-rant this-> is for you